18 Things to Love About Middle Age -- NOT

Yes, I write columns about Betty White making us feel young, and all the things we can do at this age, but into every life must come a little yin and yang.

In other words, denying aspects of this experience can be detrimental I think; it's like saying some of this is not OK and I'm not going to look at it — not a great message to send to your psyche.

Transformational speaker Mary Morrissey has said that you should want to squeeze every last aspect out of every experience, otherwise you're missing out. Let's especially not miss out on the humor.

A "virtual friend" of mine posted the below on her Facebook page the other day; I thought it was both funny and insightful – and very George Carlin.

Plus, I hear time and again how women of a certain age feel invisible. Well, it's time to embrace your visibility, and accept your feelings about this stage of your life, and share them. No doubt someone else can relate to your rant too.

Herewith, middle-aged NYC actress, director, producer, and mother of five, Celine Havard — currently on the team bringing Cross My Heart Hope to Die to Broadway this July — shares her insights on this age of life:

• You've lived long enough to see the forest for the trees – but not without glasses.
• You're too old to get allowance and too young to get social security.
• You finally have time to lie around in a bathing suit but you rather be caught dead than be SEEN in a bathing suit.
• You have more to remember JUST when you start forgetting things.
• Your kids are too old to be told what to do and too young to care what you think.
• You still haven't earned the respect of your parents and your kids don't know the meaning of the word.
• You're free to go out at night but you find yourself in bed by nine.
• You can afford all the new-fangled devices but you don't know how to work them.
• You know what lingo like LOL and LMAO means but it's not cool for someone "your age" to use them.
• You're supposed to be responsible but you've never wanted to say 'f*** it all' more in your life.
• You're required to be up on all the issues but you've acquired all your OWN issues you can't stay on top of.
• You're too old for spandex but you've never needed it more.
• You can't have salt, you can't have sugar, you can't have fat, you can't have carbohydrates, but you're STILL gaining weight.
• You have indigestion, heartburn and gas – but passing gas is not SUPPOSED to be funny.
• You've finally learned how to handle men but they no longer want you handling them.
• If a guy says to you "What an ass" they're not talking about a part of your body.
• You get carded and you take it as a compliment.
• You're old enough to know the truth when you hear it –but you don't want to hear it.

I hear that! How about you –do you have a rant you want to be heard?

Other Rant's o' the Week:
Why We Need Betty White
Pet Peeve List #278
Cosmetic Surgery Etiquette
Happy 50th Birthday. Poof! You're Invisible
What's in Your Purse?
Waif or Porn Star?
Plastic Surgery: Face Fiction?