Are You Too Old for a Mentor? Part II

The comment that came pretty much on the heels of posting Part I of this article — "It always seems to me that society in general focuses everything developmental on children and 20-somethings. But the truth is, most people switching careers are in mid-life and so would need LOTS of help."—underscored the need for Part II.

It also strikes me as a time when you might feel a little more comfortable being a little more selfish about what your needs are. If not, no less than the Dalai Lama frames it perfectly:

"It is important that when pursing our own self-interest we should be 'wise selfish' and not 'foolish selfish'. Being foolish selfish means pursuing our own interests in a narrow, shortsighted way. Being wise selfish means taking a broader view and recognizing that our own long-term individual interest lies in the welfare of everyone. Being wise selfish means being compassionate."

"Fixing" yourself seems like a broad view right now: If each cog in the machine works at full capacity, the whole functions so much better. And we need the whole to function better right now. Author/ style advisor Charla Krupp's death at 58 makes it all the more immediate.

I liked the life coaching philosophy of Lauren Zander and Beth Weissenberger (co-founders of the Handel Group) but more, I like their sense of efficiency, speed, and laser focus.

These two stylish and dynamic midlife women stated,

We're not going to let you get away with anything."

In contrast to something like talk therapy, which I am a fan of (I think everyone needs therapy, then again, I live in New York City), they do tell you what to do ... rather than wait for it to bubble up in you, which can take months, or longer.

Lauren, the younger of the life coaching sister team, in her mid-40s, created the Handel Method because she says she's been fixing people since she was practically a teenager. Her sister, Beth, in her early 50s, credits Lauren with saving her life. And now they both work to mentor others.

"Most people come in," Lauren says, "with one thing 'wrong'.

They want to make more money, or lose that extra 20 pounds, or get out of that bad marriage. They don't realize they are all connected."

So let's cut to the chase. How do you know if you would benefit from a life coach?

• If you find yourself  sitting in front of the TV for hours on end, or with your nose buried in a book, after book after book.
• If you feel resigned to your life, as in " well, it's not so bad".
• If your life feels obligated.
• If you secretly think ' this is not my dream, this is not what I envisioned for my life.'
• If you didn't give yourself above an 8 on all the primary aspects of life: Work, Love, Body, Family, Sex.

This last Lauren stated emphatically and I recoiled a little. Really, I thought, above an 8 on all those things? Which I guess lands me smack in the I-need-a-life-coach zone.

The amount of education missing for being happy in life is astonishing," Lauren says with passion.

And that is the key, I think. They want to ignite the passion in, and for, your life. And they create a safe environment to explore that idea and action steps to take to get there.

Lauren and Beth and their team of life coaches have gone into boardrooms and bedrooms to shake things up and get people back on track. The predominant underlying precept is honesty – we're so surrounded by spin, it's a tough thing to recognize these days.

Thinking your life is as good as it gets is a form of spin.

And then there's thinking big – or what feels like big because you've been thinking so small.

Lauren has no problem with thinking big. She wants to take on the whole country and get everybody back to work. With her level of passion, President Obama should probably listen to her.

Lest you think style is sidelined while you realign your life, think again. Lauren explains it this way:

When working with our clients, we often consider style, both for our client's personal and work lives. In their personal life, style is a way to express themselves but in the workplace, we let them know that their outfits shouldn't be distracting – don't necessarily hide your personality, but don't overexpress yourself either.

People want you presentable and representing them, so dress for the brand and think of the company that you work for as being a store (are they a Banana Republic? are they a Saks? etc.) It's a great formula to assist in dressing appropriately.

In terms of hair and makeup, more than anything you don't want it to be distracting. If you love a lot of makeup then underplay it. If you never wear makeup, then wear some! Also, ask advice from your mentor: "What would you change about my look?" and then follow through with that advice. We always recommend something sophisticated but not too sexy."

Don't let all this scare you off because it seems out of reach.

The Handel Group offers lots of free introductory teleseminars and follow-ups for a nominal fee, as well as group rates. Get 5 friends together and for $200/month for 12 weeks, Lauren or one of her team will rock your life.

Here's a little taste of how it goes:

January is National Mentoring Month! So it's a good time to try this as a new resolution. According to the Handel philosophy, if you're not living your dream, you're not living. That reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption which I just saw again for the umpteenth time: Get busy living' or get busy dyin'.

Reminder: You're only in midlife.

This just in: A reader just alerted me to this story in the New Yorker about how a top surgeon decided to get a mentor at midlife — and guess what? Everything improved.

More ways to rock your life:
Are You Too Old for a Mentor? Part I

WIE: Inspiration & Enterprise
EPIC time — Run for Office
Jane Fonda's Rx - a Life Review