Best-Dressed Mother of the Bride

Choosing a dress for your role as MOB (Mother of the Bride, of course) is a no-brainer. Just pick out something you like, right?

Well, it's a little more complicated than that but we have 5 experts from across the country to help you sort it out, and make it easy. Don't worry, none of the information is conflicting. Now you're free to do the 1000 other things required for the ramp-up to the wedding. But on the big day, you can just bask in the glow of your beautiful daughter —  and look great doing it.

Bobbi Hicks, a premier wedding planner on Florida's West Coast, has a local TV program on the topic and an association with the Knot.com; she has been beloved by brides for over 20 years.

First, the time, style and theme of the wedding should be considered. If it is daytime, then a short dress should be worn. If evening, then a long dress. The cutoff time is usually the time of the ceremony, any time from 5 p.m. onward for a long dress. Some say after 6:00 p.m., but in Florida where the sunsets are so important to the bride, we push the cutoff time up an hour. Also, if the attendants are wearing short dresses, that also helps establish what the mother should wear. 

Color is so important for photographs. It's imperative to look like part of the wedding party rather than an accident or because the mother just loves a particular color. Discuss the colors of the wedding and the choices of the bride. Then, sit down with a color palette and family of colors to correspond and compliment the wedding party.

Christa Terry in Beverly, Mass., is the author of iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But 'Net (Simon & Schuster, 2008) and editor of the enormously popular wedding fashion and etiquette blog, Manolo for the Brides, which receives more than 14,000 visitors per week.

This can be such a tumultuous and sometimes scary topic for the poor mother of the bride (and mother of the groom, too). Unless the bride specifically asks her mom to wear a specific dress, the MOB is left looking at dresses wondering if her favorites are too young, too old, too short, too formal, or just not what the bride is secretly hoping she'll wear! The good news is that the two main qualities that describe perfect MOB dresses are color compatibility and formality compatibility. The MOB ought to choose a dress that will not clash with the bridesmaids' dresses, and may even coordinate with them. Dresses in the same color family are popular, for example. As for formality, the MOB's dress should never outshine the bride's gown, so she should think a few degrees lower than that on the formality scale. The bad news is that there are plenty of people out there who still think that a MOB dress should be a shapeless pastel mishmash of sequins covered by a boxy blazer. But today's MOB does not look like the MOB of yesteryear so there isn't any reason for her to dress like this is 1975!

MOBs who go shopping on the Internet may be dismayed to discover that the majority of online stores catering to the MOB are selling outdated, dowdy dresses that will age a woman tremendously.

There are hundreds of classy MOB-appropriate special occasion dresses at Nordstrom.com, Chadwicks.com, Spiegel.com, and other online stores with gorgeous formalwear sections! I definitely feel that when an otherwise vibrant, stunning, and dynamic MOB is looking at boxy frocks, she's probably doing it to please the bride because she thinks that's what her daughter wants her to wear. More often than not, her daughter wants no such thing.

Erica Sullivan, based in Michigan, is the online marketing director for the Mill Crest Vintage Boutique, in Lambertville, N.J.

I love this topic, mainly because I always hear brides complaining that their own mothers tried to upstage them at their weddings! I have a friend whose mother actually wore a white dress! Yes, white!

There should be a level of appropriateness... an Emily Post rule... on what is considered appropriate for the mother of the bride. A mother of the bride should not dress provocatively; she should dress respectfully. By turning to vintage, Paula [Cooperman, senior partner in the N.J. boutique] maintains that she can express her own sense of style with one-of-a-kind pieces made from natural fabrics with soft hues of champagne or ivory and in some cases metallics. She doesn't want to look flashy or dowdy, just sophisticated with a trend toward simplicity and elegance.

And please avoid the color white. Whether it be vintage or off the rack, the point of it all is to allow your beautiful daughter her moment to shine and make her proud to call you mom! 

Speaking of Emily Post:

Anna Post, based in Burlington, Vt., is Emily Post's great-great-granddaughter and an author and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute. 

Mothers of the bride typically don't wear black or white, though both black and white are now permissible for weddings. Avoid black that looks dominating and funereal, like the Grim Reaper (or white that could be interpreted as bridal).  A clear exception to this would be a black tie wedding where black and white is the theme and color scheme.

You also don't want to match the bridesmaids; a complimentary color is a better choice, so that you're coordinated for photos but don't look like you're one of the bridal party.

Another important consideration is the formality of the occasion. You may be a free sprit who loves her Birkenstocks, but the bride is having a formal wedding. It doesn't mean you have to give up your sense of self, but it does mean a conversation and some respectful compromise is in order.

Carol Tuttle is a northern Utah-based best-selling author and acclaimed alternative psychotherapist; her newest book, Dressing Your Truth: Discover Your Personal Beauty Profile, hits shelves this month. Tuttle helps women over 40 successfully makeover their wardrobes, hair and makeup.

Your daughter's wedding can be a reflective occasion where the thought, "Can I really be old enough to be the mother of the bride?" may spring to mind. Be careful about trying to look younger by choosing a younger style. Avoid gowns that are strapless, have spaghetti straps or low necklines that show too much cleavage. These "younger looks" will actually age you!

Instead go for a classy formal dress with a matching jacket that has a hemline that hits your mid-calf to above your ankle. Avoid black. Although you may think it is a neutral, black can actually age you by accentuating facial lines. Instead go for a shade/color that is in the same color family as the bridesmaid dresses, but avoid the same color since in this case you do want to upstage the bridesmaids — just not the bride!

If you have spots of gray in your hair, you might treat yourself to a hair color to refresh your natural color. Graying hair can age you more than anything, and this is not a day you want your guests saying, "Boy has the mother of the bride aged!" Leave them saying, "Wasn't the bride beautiful! And, boy did her mother look amazing!"

We cycle back to Bobbi Hicks for the final word: "And, as the old saying goes...'The mother of the groom should wear beige and keep her mouth closed,'" she laughs.

I wonder if that adage was initiated by a mother-of-the-bride!