Mary J. Blige: "You Have to Make You Feel Better"

Mary J. Blige is not for the faint of heart.

The survivor, warrior and music legend has this life advice: "It's tough times. If you're in a low spot feeling sorry for yourself, you're not going to get out of the spot if you wallow in your pity.

"You have to make you feel better," she says.

A survivor of horrific abuse include molestation at age five plus drug and alcohol abuse, Blige says that she has spent a lifetime healing. She has amazing advice for midlifers going through life's hard moments.

 "What I've learned and want to pass on is that nobody is going to make you feel good about yourself and make you realize that you're a beautiful woman or man. You have to do it.

"You can't believe that you're fat, you're dumb, you're a loser. Change your mind about those things today," she says.

HEALING HER WOUNDS

A few years ago, Blige decided to heal her own wounds by facing the fact that at age five, she was sexually molested by a family friend. Then she took her healing one step further and discussed it on "Oprah."

Why be so public with something so private?

"The first step for me was admitting to myself that this person did this to me, but I couldn't continue to point a finger. It's just a crutch," she says. "I thought, 'What can I do to get out of what was done to me.'"

The answer was simple. "I had to forgive wholeheartedly and work on myself. I had to get real. Work on Mary. Believe in Mary. Look at Mary in the mirror and believe that Mary is a beautiful and strong person," she says.

She didn't do it alone.

"I had to pray to God and ask for strength," she says. "I've been to that low place where someone can kill you with words. I believed that I was no good. I believed that I wasn't a regular woman.

"Then I prayed and God told me I was unique and that it was okay for me to love …me," she says. "The first step was admitting, then forgiving and then asking God for help."

She fumes when you ask how others mess up that plan.

 "I don't play into the games that other people play with your mind," Blige says. "How dare someone make me feel like I'm this nutcase? You gotta push through and make you feel better."  

HER NEW CD

Mary J discusses these issues on her new CD "My Life II…The Journey Continues."

 "The biggest way to turn your life around is to face yourself in the mirror. You can't make any changes until you're willing to face yourself - - your real self," says the nine-time Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter who has sold more than 40 million albums worldwide.

Blige hails from New York City where she grew up in the Bronx as the second of four children.

"Even as a child, I vowed to do anything in my power to help women and build them up," she says. "I relate to the pain of others."

Blige lived it.

When she was four, her father abandoned the family and Blige, her mother and siblings went to live with her five cousins and two aunts.

Blige dropped out of school in the 11th grade. At age 17, she recorded her own version of Anita Baker's "Caught Up in the Rapture" at a recording studio at a local mall. Her mother's boyfriend played the tape for an A&R runner at Uptown Records who promptly sent it to his CEO.

By 1989, Blige was signed to the label as the company's youngest and first female artist.

But this bit of good luck wasn't exactly her breakthrough because Blige was hired to do background singing.

In 1991, Sean "Puffy" Combs was working as an A&R exec at Uptown and took charge of Blige's debut album called "What's the 411?"  It was released in 1992 and hit number one on the R&B charts. The album went gold.

It wasn't long until she was dubbed the Queen of Hip Hop Soul with sold out tours, nine Grammys, Billboard Music Awards and four American Music Awards. 

"I'm happy to be vulnerable in my music," she says. "I'm not afraid to go to that place and not be a wimp and stand my ground with the songs.

"When I write and sing music, I always come from a place of honesty of where I am in the moment," he says.

She needs to hear feedback from fans. So far, the news has been stunning.

"I remember during the release of my 'Breakthrough' CD, a lady called into a radio station and told me, 'Mary J, I'm about to drive my car off a cliff. But then I heard your voice and your songs. I'm not going to drive off that cliff now,'" Blige says.

She isn't done with the stories.

 "One more," says the music superstar. "There was this little girl whose face was mangled by a dog and she had extensive reconstructive surgery.

"Her mother told me that she heard the song 'No More Drama' and spoke the first words she could manage to speak since the dog hurt her. She heard my song, opened her mouth for the first time in months and said, 'I want to live.'"

"My life is bigger than just these songs," says Blige. "My life is about these stories and they humble me and make me feel like I'm a tool that God uses.

"I don't have power," she cautions. "But through me, God is doing things. And that is powerful." 

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