What If You Hate Women's Shoe Styles?

"Have you shopped for shoes at all lately?"

Uh-oh. I could feel a rant coming on. This was from my friend Deena. She turned 50 last year,  she always dresses stylishly and looks put together, polished, and professional (to use that apparently inflammatory phrase from What Not to Wear Over 50). I let her vent:

"There are abominable shoe and boot choices at retail this fall for women my age," Deena growled, "all with super high heels and crazy fetish-inspired platforms that will cripple or hobble anyone over 40 who wants or needs to walk more than a few blocks.

"There is nothing comfortable and or sexy/stylish anywhere!" she continued, her fury escalating.  "Even boots have super high heels or are too "street" inspired (with all kinds of buckles and odd soles) to be appropriate."

She dared me: "Just go to www.dsw.com and peruse the women's Pumps and Heels selection. I wear 2-and-a-half, even 3-inch heels, but this season is just crazy!"

But the woman was determined:
"I went to Century 21, Filene's, Loehmann's and a bunch of other stores this past weekend and found nothing! I am going to DSW later this afternoon since I need a closed pump or heel that doesn't make me look 60 or like I'm trying to be 25 — for potential job interviews — I have sent requests for informational interviews to all the major [] companies and I bought a pair of stylish 4-inch pumps, size 9, with a slight half-inch platform this past spring and I can't even get my feet into them anymore — does menopause make your feet expand?"

Well, certain conditions can make you retain water.

My still-in-good shape, three-year-old Cole-Haan boots (which I live in all winter) have developed a squeak!"

Good grief, this woman is beset!
"I am not ready for closed shoe weather! My feet hate closed shoes! I will report back from DSW on my mission. If DSW fails, it's Macy's and Lord & Taylor tomorrow. I am not ready for old lady shoes!"

And I know who to blame: Lady Gaga! This is one fetish turn off...do men even think these shoes are attractive?

Good question. I have a pair of open-toe clogs that are very high, and for some reason they turn heads. Women ask me how I walk in them – they are oddly comfortable, maybe it's the cork-sole. I have no idea why they turn men's heads. Although the terrific documentary Anatomy of a Closet says that stilettos were designed to mimic the position of women's feet at the height of arousal, so…

The next day:
"OK...so I spent nearly 2.5 hours at DSW and tried on probably 40–50 pairs of shoes and boots. Almost bought one pair of pumps but they were too stiletto for my comfort."

If nothing else, she is patient! 40 to 50 pair?? I'd pass out. You?

"Then Filene's and ended up buying a pair of graphite suede Calvin Klein "Dina" boots (ha-ha) that are quite comfy despite their 3-inch heel (I bought a half-size bigger, 9.5, so I can insert a comfort insole) and will work with most of my winter outfits, which are mostly black, teal and plum).

"But I'm having my squeaky Cole-Haan 2-inch-heel black leather boots repaired so I can still wear them for any appointments that require more than a few blocks' walk.

"I also found a pair of Liz Claiborne pumps (gray flannel with black patent 3-inch heels and trim) that fit and seemed comfy at the time, but they're a size 9 (since my heel slips in 9.5 in pumps) — this morning I can barely get my feet into them (uggh!). I ate more salt than usual yesterday, so maybe that's the culprit."

Her inventory: "Here's what I observed about Fall 2011 shoes (did you click though DSW?):

• UGLY! Hideous fetish-inspired hidden platforms with 5-inch heels that only the most devoted fashionistas could possibly teeter around in.
• Peep toes: Why on earth do you want peep toes for winter? Doesn't make sense but they're everywhere!
• Patent: I refuse to do all-over patent — it reminds me of little girl shoes and looks cheap.
• Animal prints: Only looks classy about 20% of the time; otherwise looks like you're trying too hard.
• Flats: Plenty of flats, which are fine for casual outfits, but you need heels for business appointments.
• Boots: Too many male-inspired heavy buckles—not like punk but a mix of western and utility. Lots of casual distressed leathers but very few clean, feminine knee-length boots that look professional yet a bit sexy.
• Lack of: Heeled maryjanes! Love them because they can be a little loose and comfy and still stay on your feet when you walk.

"That's my two cents," she concluded."I shop regularly at Aerosoles — many of my summer sandals are from there, but this fall's Aerosoles are universally FUGLY! Have yet to stoop to Easy Spirit." She should work for one of these companies as a consultant!

These were my suggestions to her — when I managed to get a word in — and frankly, I don't blame her. Then she started in on '70s – '80s-inspired fashion. I'll spare you that, until next week at least.

Do you have a women's shoe rant we should all hear about?

More shoe stories:
I Was a Shoe Fashion Victim (my own run-in with painful shoes)
Stilettos: Are We Glad They Are Back?
Feet Treats (Comfy & Stylish shoes!)
Stylish Shoes for Bigger-Size Feet
Your Closet:Time for a Shoe Purge?
Wear Comfortable Shoes