Willem Dafoe: Aging, Style, and Substance

At age 56, Willem Dafoe is finally giving himself a break.

"There is a Buddhist story that I love," he says, settling in on a cool fall morning in New York City.

"Here we go," says the screen legend. "Did you know that they used to catch monkeys by putting something sweet inside a coconut with a hole just big enough to slip your hand in and grab at something.

"The monkeys who were not too bright put their hand in. Those monkeys just couldn't give up the desires. They couldn't stop, think about it and let go."

This brings Dafoe to his thoughts on aging.

"I think that the beautiful part of getting older is you finally learn how to let go," he says. "You're not that monkey."

"I worry about stuff less at this age, which is amazing," he says. "It's great to lose the doubt. At the same time, I try to approach things like it's the first time.

"I really try not to make life too familiar. You want to seek out new adventures and get out of your comfort zone."

"FIREFLIES IN THE GARDEN"

These days, he's out of that comfort zone as a strict father making his son's life "interesting" in the new film "Fireflies in the Garden." In the film, he's an author married to a quiet woman (Julia Roberts) and together they raise a young son.

The native of Wisconsin, who has 70 films under his belt, says this was a special movie for him.

"I know a lot of people are saying he's a horrible man," he says. "But just like in life, he does mellow as time goes on.

"I want you to see all sides of this man. It's true that he doesn't have a perfect relationship with his son or his wife. God knows, you should feel compassion for both of them. But the key here is everything this father does comes out of a misguided love. It does start with love, which then takes another turn."

WILLEM DAFOE'S EARLY STYLE

Dafoe says he grew up with the tough love approach. "My father came from a generation when men wanted to toughen up the next generation.

"I came from a very large family and it was very chaotic, so there was a lot of freedom. I didn't have to act out against repression," he says.

"At the same time, I did have a strict father and I was happy to see him mellow over the years. We were somewhere between Dr. Spock and distancing from the Great Depression.

"My father's generation went from the disparity of the Depression and having nothing to prosperity. In my house, my father was driven in preparing his kids for life. Sometimes it might not look like it was nurturing, but it was helpful," he says.

DAFOE: A MAN OF STYLE NOW

Dafoe went from his Sears Robuck jeans from his childhood to his stylish Hollywood look as a man who likes to dress in your basic New York guy wardrobe of all black.

He's known for his dirty blond spiked hair and bright blue eyes.

"I'm like other guys where it's just easy to do the all black thing," he says. "You don't have to worry about it."

DAFOE ON DE-STRESSING

At age 56, he isn't as tightly wound anymore. He advises midlifers to find those ways where they can unwind.

"I've learned how to de-stress," he says. "I take a bath. I read. I cook. I don't watch TV."

"I prefer reading to TV ..or I go to see a movie," he says.

These days, he's reading "The Cat's Table" by Michael Ondaatje, a coming of age noel about a young man's passage from Sri Lanka to London.

"It's just beautiful," Dafoe says. "I wouldn't even have the language to express how beautiful it is…I'm very moved. He writes like a poet."

He doesn't stress about his career.

"Things in life and this business are cyclical. Sometimes you can't find anything you want to do," he says. "Other times, so many amazing things are happening.

"Now is a good period," he says.

Will he ever write his autobiography?

Dafoe laughs.

"I'm too busy doing things," he says. "Autobiography? That's for retirees!"

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