For a Woman--How Big is Too Big?

The average size of an American woman is size 12 to 14. We know this.

And yet we are deluged daily by media depictions of skinny celebrities and models that keep us on a perpetual diet.

Now, health is a good thing, but feeling bad about yourself is not — and actually sends you to the fridge to compound the problem (pun intended).

A recent article in the New York Times, "Plus-Size Wars," explores the increase in media attention on bigger women, from a recent spread in V magazine to the picture of model Lizzie Miller in last fall's Glamour magazine that garnered a frenzy of attention.

Miller appeared on the Today show alongside Glamour editor Cindi Leive to discuss the enthusiastic response. Matt Lauer brought up a very valid point — doing this gets a lot of attention initially, then everything goes back to normal — although we now know that "normal" is not a size 2.

The Dove real women campaign captured the spotlight … and then it dimmed. And where's Emme, the plus-size model who broke the mold and made being big beautiful? Well, she hosted Full Figure Fashion week this year.

The Times article poses the salient question:

Size is a subject of considerable controversy in fashion, but it is equally so in American life. What is big? What is too big? … The plus-size woman—to use the marketing-sanctioned term—exists in an increasingly populous and contested ghetto."

Case in point: Lane Bryant had a plus-size lingerie ad that was censored by the networks. And the difference between that and, say, a Victoria's Secret ad is…? notes Nymag.com.

Plus-size fashion is "a stepchild" to the standard fare notes the Times writer, Ginia Bellafante, discussing the cultural confusion around being big. Reality shows take a "positive" spin on addressing obesity, sort of, and Oprah, a cultural icon, has made her struggle with being plus-size public. Her championing of bigger bra sizes is outlined here. And yet, cups above 38DD are still not readily available.

Fashion is an issue. The population of plus-size women keep growing. The question is not " what not to wear" but what is there to wear?

A venture through the fatosphere… turns up dozens of blogs devoted to the frustrations larger women face finding clothes that do more than obscure. As the bloggers Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby explain in their book, Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce With Your Body: "There is such a relative scarcity of clothes for fat women that finding something in your size, something merely 'good enough,' can feel like a major shopping triumph…." notes the Times.

In Fat-o-Sphere (an ironically slim "tome"), the authors also suggest making friends with your tailor. "Even if you've found a brand that usually fits, you're not necessarily home free," say the authors.

Kathryn Kerrigan took it a step further. Now a shoe designer in Chicago, she faced the same frustration. She told me how she'd go shopping with her grandmother as a youngster, looking for a size 11, and was constantly told, "Oh no, hon…," accompanied by a pitying look. "More than 35% of women are a size 9 [shoe] or above!" she exclaims.

So she started making and marketing stylish shoes herself, up to size 14.  Her business is growing.

I think if women had good, stylish clothes that made them feel good about themselves and look good, they'd be more inclined and inspired to take the actions they want to take to look even better.

I admit I used to be a 4–6 , and am always trying to get back there, but at the moment I'm closer to the norm. And I still plan to get there. But this is where I am now. Where are you?