This Saturday former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton, 30, is expected to tie the knot with investment banker Marc Mezvinsky, 32, in Rhinebeck, N.Y. What better time to think about how to be good parents-of-the-bride? Here are a few tips for the moms (and dads) of the 4 million or so Americans who will get hitched this year:
Don't hover. Hillary Clinton, 62, excels at this one. After all, this month she even traveled to Pakistan and Afghanistan. You don't need to take it that far, but remember that your child may not want you to be her houseguest before her big day.
Keep it in mind: you had your own ceremony. "A mom needs to remember this is her daughter's wedding, not hers," says etiquette consultant Patricia O'Brien, owner of Manners, Please. "Now it is time to volunteer help."
Don't hog the guests. A good rule of thumb: the bride's parents, the groom's parents and the couple can each invite a third of the total number of wedding-goers on the list, says O'Brien. But be flexible. It depends on how small the two families are and how far guests must travel. (Distance affects how many people will RSVP yes vs. no.) The former First Boomers and their daughter reportedly stuck to people Chelsea actually knew, with Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg and Barbra Streisand being among the rumored 400 (or 500) invitees.
Establish a budget (if you're footing some of the bill). Both sides of the family can pitch in, too. "It is proper etiquette for the groom's family to offer to pay for part of the wedding, especially if the groom's list is large," says O'Brien.
Let your daughter pick her dress. Give input if she asks for it. You can choose your own outfit. The former First Family has not confirmed anything, but wedding watchers say Chelsea Clinton may be wearing Vera Wang whereas her mother may be going with Oscar de la Renta.
Help when asked. If your child wants you to help stuff invitations and lick envelopes, do it. "I participate," said Bill Clinton, in an interview on "Today" with former First Daughter Jenna Bush Hager. "Chelsea has been good enough to include me in the decisions they're making in how to do it, so I love that."
Hit the bookstore—and the web. Popular, helpful titles include The Knot Ultimate Wedding Planner: Worksheets, Checklists, Etiquette, Calendars, and Answers to Frequently Asked Questions, The Wedding Ceremony Planner: The Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of Your Wedding Day, and The Bride and Groom's Wedding Checklist and Planner Guide: With Companion CD-ROM. And nowadays just about everyone checks out theknot.com.
Keep silent. If your daughter (or son) asks you not to talk too much, follow her wishes. "My lips are sealed," Hillary Clinton told NBC's Andrea Mitchell. "I am under very strict orders not to talk about it, and I think for the right reasons, because it is her [wedding], and it is a family wedding. The people coming are her friends and people who have been meaningful in her life, as it should be."
Don't be pushy. Volunteer, but don't dictate, says O'Brien. "If the families become too overbearing when it comes to planning, they will ultimately cause hard feelings between the couple and themselves. This should be a day of excitement and happiness for all involved."
Let the laughs and tears flow. Hillary Clinton told Mitchell her husband would be lucky to make it down the aisle in one piece: "He is going to be so emotional, as am I." And in his "Today" interview, Bill Clinton said he would feel "proud, grateful, wistful… I'll be thinking about the day she was born, I'll be thinking about the first day of school."
Give your blessing. The Clintons have said they like and admire their prospective son-in-law. Awww.
For more stories about parenting and relationships, read:
What to Do When You Dislike Your Child's Friend or Sweetheart
'Popular' Kids: Handling the Teen Caste System
Should You Let Your Teen Get Tattoos and Piercings?
Should You Speak Up About a 'Bad' Baby Name?