Dear Kiss & Zutell—
When I was thirteen, my mother had me get a nose job. I liked the way it turned out and since then, I've had just about every conceivable appearance enhancing cosmetic procedure - breast augmentation, corrective jaw surgery, orthodontics, porcelain veneers, liposuction. It was all pre-marriage and it's all good, but here's the problem. I'm almost 50 and my daughter is eleven. She looks just like me - the pre-makeover me. My husband stares at her and I know the thought balloon over his head says "whose kid is she?" Meanwhile, I don't know what to tell her - should I encourage her to nip tuck, as my mom did me? Do I fess up to him that I'm not exactly who he thinks I am?
Confused in Greenwich.
Dear CIG,
Oh what a tangled web we construct when first we start to nip and tuck. Let's try to comb out your rat's nest of deception one lie at a time, shall we?
First, unless you are an orphan and possess not a single photo of mom and dad, and your husband is sightless, he's probably figured out that you are indeed, a cyborg. (Or is he that stupid?) But, you're still married, so somewhere over his head is another thought balloon saying, "in sickness or health, better or worse, flesh or silicone." So let him ponder your daughter's resemblance to no one he knows and do not speak until he asks. BUT, you must have a ready answer, and my recommendation is the whole truth and nothing but. Remember, men are visual creatures. If they like the design and packaging, they usually don't much care about the authenticity of the materials.
You're daughter is another matter entirely, and there's only one path to follow - hers. If she is comfortable with her appearance, why suggest any alterations? Of course orthodontics should be encouraged if a smile is snaggly. But let's do a quick inventory of some women and their "flaws." Did Barbra's nose stop her from being one of the biggest stars in history? And what of supermodel Lauren Hutton's gap-toothed smile? J-Lo's generous booty? The list goes on.
The greatest gift you can give your little girl is a bullet-proof ego and an arsenal of developed talents and higher education. No matter what, everyone's looks will fade.
With the recent conviction of Conrad Murray we are again reminded of the parable that was Michael Jackson and where an obsession with appearance modification can lead.