Dear Kiss & Zutell:
I've been dating a man who is significantly younger than I. He's starting to use the "c" word, as in commitment, and I suspect he'll soon propose. It's all good, but when I see how the Ashton Kutcher / Demi Moore union has turned out, I'm wondering if I should be more wary.
Age conflicted.
Dear AC:
If you're actually considering marrying a guy, but off-put by a failed Hollywood marriage, you should re-evaluate your situation from an entirely different standpoint. In Hollywood, most marriages are more of a business merger than a romance. And so the divorce rate is astronomical. I can tell you with absolute certitude that Hollywood people are indeed more shallow, self-absorbed and selfish than folks in other industries and regions. They can barely commit to a cup of coffee, so most should forget marriage and stick to things they can handle, like Botox and red-carpet strolls.
How common are May-December unions? In Great Britain, over 25% of marriages are between older women and younger men. A study by the AARP revealed that of women over 40, 34% are dating younger men. So you are certainly not alone.
Does age disparity doom a relationship, or at least make it more likely to dissolve? A good coupling shouldn't fall apart because of a few laugh lines. After all, everyone will get those sooner or later. Besides the alchemy of physical attraction, it's the things we have in common, not the differences, that make the foundation of good marriage. People with great relationships can nearly communicate without speaking. I once heard someone remark about a couple with a strong marriage, "they see with one eye and hear with one ear."
May December marriages often derail because the cultural tracks diverge. Your favorite song is rock and his is rap. A scary movie to you is Alien, to him it's Saw. You probably vote differently as well. While he text messages until his thumbs blister, you sit by thinking, hey, it's a phone, too; why not just talk on it? Over time, if the gap broadens instead of narrows, the relationship unravels because you feel more connected with friends of your age than your younger husband. It takes a ton of work and some extraordinary people to overcome these hurdles.
Demi Moore is on her second marriage. Ashton Kutcher might have several more. These two of the last people on earth you should look to for relationship role models. To put it more bluntly, I don't think you're ready for marriage with someone of any age. Why don't you just have a pizza instead?