Dear Kiss & Zutell—
Some of my teenage daughter's friends dress a little inappropriately when they go out to the movies or dinner together. Maybe ho-chic is in and maybe I'm old fashioned, but I just don't think sixteen year old girls should look like budding porn stars! They're actually nice girls, so that's not an issue, but I feel like I should say something to the parents. What would you do?
Stressed About Dress
Dear SAD—
I feel your pain. If I had it my way, my daughters would wear OshKosh B'gosh overalls or little gingham sundresses with matching bonnets—FOREVER.
But alas, they grow up so fast. One day they're happily drooling in onesies and the next, they're prancing around in hot pants and halters. Even though my oldest is only eleven, many of her friends dress like they're much, much older (this is L.A., after all). They wear belly shirts with painfully tight skinny jeans that show their butt cracks when they bend (and eleven year olds bend A LOT). I don't even know what to say about the padded bras! I spend a lot of time with my mouth hanging open, wondering, how can a parent let their kid out of the house looking like that?
And then I want to smack myself in the head for having these thoughts! I used to be so cool. So hip! Or so I thought. And now I'm thinking, "these kids today."
These kids today are taking their cue from magazines and celebrities. Sixteen year olds want to look like Katy Perry, Beyonce, Paris Hilton, the models at Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. This week, Abercrombie & Fitch made news for marketing a "push up triangle" swim top for girls as young as seven—essentially a push up bra for a tot! SEVEN! Seven! The bikini has since been pulled after complaints from parents.
Despite this, every department store caters to the ho'chic look. It's almost impossible to tell the difference between the mannequins in the tween department and those at Porn Stars R Us.
It sounds like your daughter isn't trying to dress like her friends. Maybe she has her own style and isn't succumbing to teen pressure. Good for her! And you. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
But her friends? Well, it's just not your problem, thank God. And aren't you happy about that?
So don't make it your problem because well, who needs it? I am a firm believer in the mind-your-own-business way of life. One of my keys to successful friendships is to never ever ever say anything about anyone else's kid (and trust me, I often want to) unless there's blood and gore involved—or unless you really want to kill a friendship.
All your comments will do is upset your daughter, upset the other girls and upset the girls' parents. You'll become the pariah. Your daughter will be ostrasized. Nothing positive can come out of this for you or your child. It's a drama you really don't need.
I've transported myself into the future and here's what was said about you after you confronted the parents:
"She's right. I'm so glad she brought this to our attention. Let's donate her outfits to a hooker charity…"
Just kidding. Here's what was really said:
"She wishes she could dress this way…How dare she?...Did you see what she was wearing? That style went out in the seventies! Her kid can find a new car pool!….That woman has some nerve!…No wonder that child has issues!…I never liked that woman!…Who does she think she is?"
Well, you know who you are. You know who your daughter is. And if your daughter's friends want to look like little hookers, fine.
Now let's find us some gingham and start a teen clothing line!
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